How to get the girl – get her hammered

If she boots on your sneakers, even better.

How to get the girl – Looks for show, personality, or dough

Preferably, two out of three. Be strikingly handsome, have a great personality, and/or a lot of money. Having a little of three probably will not help in your favor as the majority of dudes fall in this category. I’ve seen fat ugly ducks land girls five steps above their lay-grade because he pulled up in a Ferrari and make the girls laugh. Having two out of three is usually good enough since most women are as superficial as most men and can put up with the beer belly as long as he can make it rain at the club. If you can only have one, however, make sure it’s in the dough department. A great personality without the rest means friend status. And nobody wants to be just friends.

You are rejected by 100% of the girls/guys you don’t talk to

Probably not the most original thing I’ve come up with, but hey, sometimes it needs to be stated.

New series: How to get the girl – Don’t be late

In lieu of creating a new blog whereby I’ll forget to update and/or run out of content in a week, I’ll be presenting original content in the form of (hopefully) a series of labeled posts with creatively named titles.

In every budding relationship, there is a dance that every suitor needs to know in order to successfully navigate the treacherous waters of female approval to eventually “get in her drawers.” To aid in these efforts, “How to get the girl” explores fundamental actionable items key to winning over any female. The converse to this series could be “How to f*ck up your chances with the girl” or “How to lose a girl in 10 days” (currently in production).

Don’t be late. Being punctual indicates that you value her time and a premeditated commitment to plan your day around her. Chances are she spent a better part of her day thinking about how to impress you with her outfit selection and choice of cosmetic products so the least you can do is show up on time with a clean shirt on. Arriving late allows her time to consider the possible reasons you were unable to be timely (in order of most likely scenario):

a) playing WoW with roommates and lost track of time while trying to level up your character
b) forgot about the date altogether and had to be reminded by Google Calendar
c) ran into an ex-girlfriend and took her out instead
d) is a drug dealer
e) had to be taken to hospital after trying out moves seen on WWE

Bottom line: show up early and wait for her.

edit: Apparently I wrote about this topic before. Nice!

the dreaded Best Friend

Female’s are particularly sneaky.  It’s not surprising that as a species they make the best CIA agents and  ninjas.  They’re born with an innate ability to passively get the desired results without compromising their clandestine intents.  So it comes as no surprise that many a male has fallen victim to a female’s most dangerous weapon: the dude as a Best Friend.

The problem with having an opposite sex as a platonic best friend is simple.  One leans on said friend during good and bad times.  And when that friend is attractive, has boobs, and equipped with complimentary plumbing, what is stopping nature from taking it’s course during a moment of weakness?  Well, nothing.  He’ll say, “there’s nothing to worry about” but what he’s really saying is, “there’s nothing to worry about… until she gets naked and throws herself at me.”  She’ll say, “he’s just a friend” but we all know “he’s just a friend… until you screw up and land in the dog house”.  Both parties are using one another as a safety net until their soul mate emerges.

In the early stages of dating, one will find the “Best Friend” as an obstacle to overcome.  One might even try to compete directly with the BFF for attention.  Alas, the only effective way to defeat this tricky opponent is with maturity and respect: tell that b*tch to get away or you’ll bust a cap in that motha f*cka.  Or key his/her car.  Usually does the trick.

Being married to a Porn Star…

… has to suck.  Get it?  Suck?  Yeah yeah, its Friday and my brain is already in Saturday mode.  Anyway, read about it here (its SFW).

Best quote in the article:

“I want her to be happy. And it’s a turn-on, in a way. On the downside, though, there are guys having sex with your wife.”

Charmane Star with husband, next to a grill. Weird. Only because they're not naked.

Do all Asian Berkeley Girls feel this way?

I just skimmed this post and immediately felt like I had to punch some females.  Yes, the media portrays Asian males as if they were Hiro from Heroes (terrible accent, glasses, asexual), but this is also the same media that defines beauty as a busty blond weighing 100 lbs.  So what now?  I hope you’re not on Facebook, Ashely Song Kim, because you’re in some e-trouble.

Asian Women: Up For Grabs

By Ashley Kim Song

As an Asian girl growing up in the United States, I believe I was taught by the society to be attracted to just about everyone besides other Asian men. This marginalization of Asian men has occurred, in my view, for several reasons.

First, the media never portrays Asian men in a dominant role. They are always portrayed as nerdy, geeky, brainiacs, with no sense of themselves and no ability to attract women. In other words, the media portrays Asian men as incapable and undesirable.

Second, American society has many negative stereotypes towards Asian men. It has become a complete joke to think that an Asian man could ever “satisfy” a woman. Their “manlihood” is the constant subject of jokes and insults. For this reason, most women view Asian men as asexual and feminine.

For these reasons, Asian women, and women in general in American society are taught to view Asian men as undesirable and feeble. As you will see, this is the reason why Asian women are now up for grabs…

Asian women in our society, because of their conditioning, on the whole do not prefer to date Asian men. In one of the discussion classes I taught last year at Berkeley, half of the Asian girls in the room, stated that they do not prefer to date Asian men. Also, roughly every other girl in the class also agreed that they prefer not to date Asian men. So, if Asian women are on a trend of not dating Asian men, who are they dating?

Girls the class I taught generally gave me two answers to this question. The most obvious one being White men, as people around Berkeley and other cultural areas can most recognizably notice. The second most common answer from the girls was Indian men (South Asians). When I asked the girls why the preferred these two ethnic groups of men, their responses centered around two areas: economic status and physical attractiveness.

In terms of economic status, the Asian girls said that both white men and Indian men in our society (especially here at Berkeley), were viewed as successfull, intelligent, and confident. These are all qualities that the Asian community values.

Next, the girls said that they found these two groups of men to physically attractive. When I asked why, the responses I recieved were varied. My conjecture in this case would be that both groups tend to share the same sharp features (Greco-Roman noses/eyes) that the media tends to value.

So what is the end result of all this? Asian women are “up for grabs” and this has essentially devasted Asian men. Asian men are getting the axe on two levels here. First, they are only seen as being able to date their own kind (other Asian girls). At the same time, their own kind, at an increasing rate, tends not to prefer them sexually.

In conclusion, I have come to no conclusion. This is merely an observation of mine as a student and teacher here at Berkeley. However, I personally view this information as interesting and helpful. And, I, as an Asian-American woman, bring it in to my consideration when viewing Asian men.

Ashley Kim Song is fourth-year Political Science major at UC Berkeley.

What to eat on a first date

There she is.  The girl of your dreams.  She’s standing in line at Starbucks pondering over whether to get the caramel macchiato or the triple-shot expresso.  Fortunately, you’re rocking the new khaki blazer from Banana Republic and quickly pop a Listerine wafer into your mouth.  “The pastries look especially hot today” you remark.  She turns around, blinks twice, and answers “why, yes they are.  Really hot.”  She smiles and flips her hair over her ear.  You make a quick joke and she laughs.  Not a regular laugh, but the I-want-you-to-ask-me-out laugh and you oblige.

Your last relationship turned ugly when your ex left you when she could no longer hold back her feelings of inadequacy when gazing upon your chiseled body.  You know its time for new beginnings.  It’s been a while since you’ve been on your first date, so you need a refresher course.   No worries, because you read this

Marriage = trouble

Wedding season is in full swing, so angry ninja has these killer shirts to tell your buddy exactly how you feel about the whole deal:

Oh, and congrats to M&M for getting hitched at the end of the month. We’re really excited about the open bar.

When to Break Up

Bad on so many levels.

image source: www.xkcd.com