Playa means Beach

How does one quit being a player and committ? -icom158

Playerism as a school of thought isn’t a new concept. Many of our Founding Father’s had ho’s left and right as they were establishing the freedoms we’ve come to love and admire. In order to break the entrapment which is playerism and the lifestyle that it brings, one must carefully analyze the mental processes that makes a player, well, a player. A player is smooth and calculating, cold hearted yet able to express love and kindness given the correct circumstances. Role playing is key, as player’s understand the needs and wants of girls are different and need to be reocgnized at a moment’s notice. Organizational skills are a must as being a player requires multi-tasking and time balancing. In this respect, being a player is not a game but is a way of life.

So, how does one break out of this treacherous way of life and settle down? The key to success is to find ONE girl who you believe is your soulmate. Anyone less will rekindle the player’s spirit. She must be strong-willed and demanding, controlling but not obsessive, stubborn yet compromising, and most of not not some mark-ass trick. The next step is to prioritize the things in your life most valuable to you. Do you have an image problem which requires you to present yourself as a male who scores all the beautiful women? Or that you’re so invested in the size of your penis just because Trojan didnt have a condom large enough so they created one and named it after you (Jack Chou == the Awesome)? I’d suggest spending some time with souls more unfortunate than you to put things in perspective. Do some community service at the local hospital. Feed the hungry. Spend some time with Laker fans (hey at least they’ve got Vlade). You’ll realize life as a player is selfish and will only lead to more heartbreak and eventually loneliness…

Wait a second. You’ve got throngs of women and your beck and call. Quit being such a pansy and play on, player ; )

Supersizing for free

yo man… whats your idea of a perfect date? any suggestions for us thoughtless males? -sG 

A perfect date for me? That's a simple question being that i am of the male specie and therefore only require
1) a couch
2) a tv
3) football on said tv

Based on extensive research and data analysis, I have formulated a few dating scenarios for a decent date with the girl of your choice, depending on your monetary budget

McValue Date
This typically involves a girl who is a) low maintanance b) and lives in a trailer and/or a living room of an apartment.
Preparation:
-go to Chipotle on Halloween with a friend. Save your receipt. This will come in handy when you go on your date on Nov. 2
Date details:
-pick her up on your razor. Be sure to clean your wheels as girls notice small minute details such as dust on your footbrake
-razor over to Price Center and engange in friendly game of pool. Make sure to hand the kind fellow working in the Game Room your roommates ID card. This will be helpful.
-make sure to let your girl win. Girls HATE losing.
-when she has successfully amassed a 10-0 record, proceed out of Game Room quickly. If Game Room attendant threatens to charge your student account for the game, laugh villianously and run towards exit.
-scooter down Gilman and proceed to Chipotle
-use receipts from Halloween to redeem FREE burritos. Request extra guacamole for your girl (girls love green stuff).
-after your delicious meal, scooter to UTC to windowshop. If girl asks you to buy something for her, tell her you'll get it for her birthday.
-go back to your place afterwards and commence sharing of fluids.

Cost:
-$0 (after preparation)

Supersized Date
If your girl enjoys spending time AND not too much of your cash flow, this is how a decent date will go:
Preparation
-picnic set-up on the beach. Should include
(?) Food items
(1) Blanket
(1) Sweater (in case she gets cold)
(1) Boom box
(1) Sade CD (cant go wrong with Sade)

Date Details:
-have picnic on the beach/park/your backyard. Make sure to cut the edges off the sandwiches (girls dont eat brown stuff)
-go to movie. Pick out something she likes. Close your eyes during the mushy scenes.
-go dancing. if you cannot dance, do NOT go dancing.
-go back to your place. Put in some Luther and get busy.

Cost
-~$40

You must really want her naked
Title says it all
Preparation
-save up a lot of money
Date details
-fly her out to Europe. Have lunch in Paris
-Take train to Spain and go site seeing
-fly her to NY to have dinner at some ritzy restaraunt
-fly her back to your place
-if she's not naked by now, you shouldnt have spent so much money.

Cost
-priceless

As you can see, date's dont have to be really expensive OR creative, but you need one or the other to make it memorable. Try to do something out of the ordinary that displays your excellence in one way or another; if you're scared of heights, DO NOT go bungee jumping. If you're an olympic athlete, show her tapes of you winning the Gold Medal. If you're good at downloading porn, wash your hands. Whatever the outcome, dates can be fun and educational. Now go get 'em George.

Um, no thanks.

ey scratch, I've never seen or met any dudes who are openly bisexual. . . My theory is that there are prolly tons, more so than female bixsexuals. . . It is because they have two options therefore it's easier for them to remain in the closet than gays so just don't bother to come out. What's your take on this? Also, don't you think that bisexual people gets to have more fun? Shit, if I were a women, i'd totally be BI. But i'm glad that i'm a guy and not. -RedBlazeX2K  

Society often dictates what is acceptable when it concerns sexual orientation. I'm not sure if the porn industry is to blame, but when was the last time you viewed a three-some involving two guys and a girl in which the guys were ass-raping one another? In the mainstream media, is it more often or not we're staring at two handsome males engaged in a liplock as opposed to two gorgeous females french kissing? Homosexuality among males lies in the shadows of our society and looked down upon, which certainly explains why one would find more openly bisexual females. Are there indeed more male bisexuals than females? I'd be hard-pressed to find too many men who enjoy the blessings of getting plugged in the ass and similarly with women (although some would beg to differ). The fact of the matter is, more women appreciate the subtle and gentle lines of other women than men who love the chiseled spectre which typifies man. So to answer your question, being a woman and bisexual means enjoying the touch of another woman… while being a man and bisexual means penis in the butt. Hmmm…

Because you like coldplay

Is there a way you can tell a guy if he’s gay or not? -Prof. Schwab

In this world where stereotypes are the norm and people are put into categories before a single word is uttered, I’d also like for us all to step back and ponder the ramifications of any answer to this question. I’d like to point out that my answer is in no ways an attempt to brand a person into such a stereotype but merely a detailed analysis of what I and many people have observed to be characteristics/personality traits of a Gay Male. By no means do I understand the inner workings of such an individual, but I offer my expertise in a way as to be helpful to others be more sensitive in their actions and words if they encounter an individual who might be homosexual. So, with that in mind, here is

A LIST OF SYMPTOMS THAT YOUR FRIEND MIGHT BE GAY:

-he talks with a lisp. Not only that, if you closed your eyes (and your butthole just to be safe) you couldnt tell if he was from the valley or the OC.

-his clothes match his accessories. True heterosexual males do not own accessories. The closest thing would be a headband or a black leather belt. Belts of any other colors are questionable.

-he does not speak of his penis in the third person. Heteosexual males believe their penis is an entity in itself and will often refer to it as such.

-he talks about girls, but only in the context of shopping. Straight guys think about females once every five seconds and I can assure you its not about women with their clothes ON…

-he has many a female friend, but only sees them as friends. This is physically not possible with heterosexual males. Trust me, i’ve tried.

-he walks with a limp, but it does not originate from his penis but rather from his lowerback area. Ouch.

-his screenname is “Fly Diva” or something of the sort

-he owns flowers

-his body is very animated when he speaks. Often times, his wrists seem to contain no joint when he waves.

-he talks about his feelings at will. Not your buddy, Will, but is able to express his inner emotions whenever he feels his “soul” is unnerved.

This list is by no means exhaustive, but it should be a good guide about what to look for if you are questioning a dude’s sexual preference. If all else fails, ask him straight out (no pun intended) and if he says NO he’s a liar. Now, wasnt that just thuper?

Boy meets girl on girl

i am bored with my relationship and think that i should ask my gf if i can have a threesome. how would i bring this up with the lady? plus, it has to be another female because. well im sure you get the picture. and do you think this would ruin my relationship? like if it happens should i spend more time with my gf instead of the "invited?" but i digress. i first need to know how i would swing this by the girl? and where do i find the other party? -ninjarice

My response to this is very similar to the IDB question I received earlier in this thread. But, seeing that you are bored and very eager to pursue activities involving more than one female, here's a easy step-by-step program that will get you on your way.

Step 1: Ask female what her sexual fantasy consists of. Take close notes and listen for the words "girl on girl".

Step 2 (if she mentions "girl on girl"): You're IN BABY. Wow. High five. Make sure to bring a camera to record this precious moment and to show your friends. Hang said picture on your mantel.

Step 3 (if she mentions "girl on girl"): finding another female to have relations with you and your girlfriend should not be too difficult. The fact you have a girlfriend willing to share you with another female speaks to your ability to attract the opposite sex, so call up a lady friend you've been saving for a rainy day and propose the idea to her. If this is still not possible, call the local "escort" service and they'll be happy to arrange something of this nature for you.

Step 2 (if she does NOT mention "girl on girl"): Ouch. I dont know about most people, but the thought of another man penetrating a female I am particularly fond of makes me cringe. How badly do you want a threesome involving you and two women to happen? If you're a desperate man, I would suggest you compromise with your girlfriend and allow her to be donkey punched by another dude and you on the stipulation that you can perform sexual acts on your girlfriend AND another female on a later date.

Step 3(if she does NOT mention "girl on girl" and you've agreed to "compromise"): um. I'm guessing she'll have a dude in mind. Make it through the few hours of watching your woman getting creamed by some other dude with an enormous penis and you'll be home free afterwards. Or you can live out yours and then hope she won't want to involve herself with anyone else but you. Hah. Yeah right. Anyway, for your encounter with your gf and the other female, read the Step 3 I mentioned for when she mentions "girl on girl". Those tips apply here (i'm still cringing)

Step 3(if she does NOT mention "girl on girl" and you refuse to get sloppy seconds): This is a bit more tricky. Accidently have her catch you watching Lesbian activity on the TV. Act surprised and have her sit down and watch the rest of the tape with you. If she runs away in disbelief, its her loss. And plus, you've got two girls on the tv screen. C'mon now. Its not that bad. If she sits and stays, casually ask if she finds the actresses attractive. Since she stayed and is watching intently now, she'll probably say yes. You are in bro. Proceed to Step 2 of the if she mentions "girl on girl".

Step 4 (no matter what she says): Bring plenty of condoms. You dont wanna catch crabs or the clap. That would be gross.

Hmm… this is almost like a "Create your own adventure" story but a lot more interesting. Good luck Ninjarice and we're still waiting for the pictures/stats of this girlfriend of yours.

Stop being so bitter

If two people begin as friends and then one of them expresses the desire for something more, is there really a chance to go back to being Platonic after being rebuffed by the other? If so, how can that other person be sure that things will go back to the way things were and that it isn't a relationship based on suppressing thoughts and hidden desires? -Bitter_Almonds 

Hm. Lets analyze this from the two different points of view that exist (all others will not be considered in this response)

Boy likes girl
This is by far the most common scenario encountered for reasons unknown to me. I can assume for the most part males have a strong affinity for any creature able to produce lactose-type fluids, but I think there's a better explanation. Actually, no, i think that's pretty much it. In any case, it is just a matter of time before a male counterpart will express his undying love and affection for the female accomplice. Ladies, don't be naive and think that your good "friend" George is visiting you because he enjoys your company in good nature. In fact, he's merely playing his odds that he'll catch you lonely and depressed and in need of some Sexual Healing. Anyway, on to the real question at hand. In the simplest of terms, it is impossible for a male to pursue a female, receive the equivalent of a kick in the genitals, and continue a "platonic" relationship with said female. Male's egos are designed in such a way that if there is absolutely no chance for a male to procreate with a female, he will instinctively move on to the next available female to further the human race. It is indeed a fact of life. This is not to say a few year's down the road that the male and female will rekindle some sort of "friendship", but is highly unlikely he will do so without referring to said female to his male companions as an "ugly bitch." Ouch.

Cliff notes version: Male + female != friends; Male + female = potential bed buddies; Male + Female + kick in the balls = Ugly Bitch

Girl likes boy
While often a rare sighting, this situation does present a different response than the aforementioned. At it's onset, Boy is convinced that the girl is "not up to standards" but when it is too late realizes he is too goofy and/or ugly to actually do better and therefore missed his chance to have sex with another person. While this might be the case, women are designed with a great ability to accept failure and vow to never have more than platonic relations with said male. This usually correlates to the male and female being able to move on from the rejection and regain their old status as buddies. As long as the male treats the female with the same respect and dignity that he did BEFORE he found out she wanted to jump his bones, then all will be well. Now, here's a warning for you fellas: make sure to think REAL hard before deciding if she's REALLY not up to your standards because it is slim to impossible to change your mind after the fact and expect her to feel the same towards you. You'll probably end up crying to me on this thread whereby I will respond that you are indeed an imbecile and let a willing female get away.

Cliff notes: Female likes male; Male rejects female; Female + male = friends; Male gets ass kicked by male friends when they hear he didnt hit it when he had the chance. Dumbass.

Girls are so shallow

What qualities do guys like most in a girl? -Jax

guys are simple creatures. We dont need too much to in the form of material things to keep us happy. And when it comes to what qualities a woman must possess in order for us to contemplate a relationship… we’re very similar to what YOU look for in a guy. To make this easier, i’ll seperate the characterisitcs into two categores and attach next to it the minimum criterium based on a generic scale (1 to 10 with 1 being the lowest and 10 the highest)

Girl we brag to our peers about having “relations” with:
Physical appearance: 8/10
—-face: 8/10
—-body shape: 8/10
—-breast and/or booty: 9/10

Personality: 3/10
—-humor: 2/10
—-composure: 1/10
—-intelligence: 3/10
—-communication: 3/10
—-confidence: 5/10

now lets compare this to…

Girl we brag to our parents about having a long-term relationship with:
Physical appearance: 6/10
—-face: 7/10
—-body shape: 5/10
—-breast and/or booty: 5/10

Personality: 8/10
—-humor: 9/10
—-composure: 7/10
—-intelligence: 9/10
—-communication: 8/10
—-confidence: 8/10

So as you can tell, the physical aspects drop dramatically and personality traits increase when it involves the type of relationship a dude is looking to get into. The physical appearance demands tend to decrease even further in the second category as females have a better understanding that in 60 years everyone looks weathered and wrinkled and your partner’s ability to make you laugh will be the only thing keeping you from going insane.

Extacular extracurriculars

How long should i wait before i start dating again after a long relationship? Is it a really bad idea to have some ex-action?? -lovesmochi

Here’s some classic ASK SKRATCH replies:

1) Don’t think you can hook up with someone else to make the pain go away. Often times, you’ll make the damage worse and put yourself in another situation you dont want to be in.

7) When the time is right, start seeing other people. This is not to be confused with rule #1 as this should take place at least a few weeks after you think you’re fully recovered.

Basically, if you dont give yourself the opportunity to get over your ex and innocently engage in sexual activity prematurely, you run the risk of jeopardizing the healing process and in actuallity might convince yourself that you should have never left your ex in the first place. I’m sure your reasons to move on and see other people were based on solid convictions that you had made based on the relationship dynamics/structure/direction, so why would you want to step backwards and emotionally tie yourself to this individual again? Unless that is your primary objective, I would give myself at LEAST 6 months before hooking up with an ex, and maybe 1-2 months lead time to begin seeing someone new.

Guys like boobies

How do I let a guy know that I like him? I’m usually pretty shy around guys and am not really comfortable with asking a guy out, so how can I give him the hint that I would like him to ask me out? I think that I tend accidentally give guys the impression that I’m not interested. -Jax

Guys are by no means the most intelligent species when it comes to being able to analyze hints from the opposite sex and responding in the appropriate way. Often, we actually read the WRONG hints and end up getting bludgeoned with blunt objects. Fear not ladies as I have compiled an easy to read list of things you can do to tell a guy you like him

-suggest casual activities. Hint that you and him should go study sometime by mentioning you have difficulties studying alone but can’t find someone that wants to hit up Club Giesel.

-do NOT ask for a guy’s phone number. You’ll seem desperate and too aggressive. Instead, find some similar interests (football?) and have him call you when he wants to hang out. If he’s a nice guy who might have potential feelings for you, he’ll call within the next few weeks.

-look into his eyes when you speak to him. Superman had Kryptonite, and guys cannot look into a girl’s eyes for too long without melting on the spot.

-provide physical contact such as touching his arm or his shoulder/back when appropriate. Again, moderation is key and you dont want to seem like the aggressor. Nothing is more hypnotizing than feeling a girl’s hands running through my hair… but do your research and find out if he doesn’t enjoy anyone touching their head.

-smell really good when you’re around him. I dont know what it is, but that deodorant commercial (yes, i know it was for a GUY’s deodorant, but still) has a lot of truth when it mentions the strongest link tied to memory is through scent.

-be seen with other guy’s, but give him “extra” attention when he’s in the room to make him feel special.

these hints should do the trick and if he hasn’t been hooked after trying all of the above, this should do it (WARNING: this method has not been approved by the FDA)

-tell him you think he’s cute and ask him to ask you out sometime. Good luck ; )

How to tell if your friend Mike is a homo

how do itell a friend that really likes me that i am not interested? that is, while keeping the friendship intact. cuz crazy as it sounds. i do think she is cool and do value this girls friendship. -ninjarice

In a predicament such as this, I consulted the Urban Dictionary and looked up the answer http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Hit+it+and+Quit+it
In all seriousness, the most effective way to convey your feelings of plutonic friendship is to be outright and honest. The timing of such a conversation has to be just right, though, as a girl's affections are often fickle and inconsistent depending on her mood. I would wait until you and your female friend are able to speak to one another privately (nothing is worse than getting rejected, let alone in public) and ask her if she's wanting more than friendship. If she say's no, she's a bald face liar and deserves a backhand. Otherwise, I would gently offer her the explanation that you are very content with the current "friendly" relations the two of you are experiencing and that you fear it might be premature to pursue more serious endeavors. Always leave the option that somewhere down the road anything could happen as she is an attractive and very personable individual. And most importantly, try NOT to put strain on the relationship by avoiding contact after this crucial conversation; it'll make her feel rejected and alienated and thereby making you look like an ass. Oh, and feel free to post her profile/measurements when you get the chance ; )