The difference between boys and girls

There is a great amount of information to be had from statistical information and the sort. The following is the mental vs. physical chart of a typical female:

Compared to the chart of a typical male:

and that of your typical teenager:

Dating is for suckas

In high school, it seemed much more convenient and time-effective to find a companion in which to engage in intimacies better suited for those outside of the sibling constructs (assuming that this readership revolves around progressive blue states). It was simple: choose an individual of similar physical attractiveness levels and commence courtship rituals. This became exponentially less complicated in college due to the lack of parental oversight and close proximity of after-school facilities (namely, dorm rooms and adjoining apartments). A trip to a friend’s small gathering meant kegs stands and eventually hooking up with a female with a weight which rivals the area code in her phone number. But while sober, it was relatively uncomplicated and time-efficient to find that special someone to spend at least the quarter with.

The sad part about post-collegiate life is that now these opportunities to meet attractive and available individuals become a game of luck and chance. Unless one is fortunate enough to work in an industry where the employees have a continuing revolution of new and fresh faces, it is probably to one’s disadvantage to start hitting on every attractive coworker one comes across (coincidentally, sexual harassment training is being conducted upstairs). There are a few scenarios where the situation might not seem as bleak as it sounds, but I warn you, the following might be abrasive to sensitive eyes.

Being set-up by parental figures: The worst of the sort, parents have this uncontrollable need to wish pain and destruction on your life by attempting to find their next of kin a proper mate to flourish the planet. More likely than not, they attempt to match you up with a girl/guy who is “nice, with a properly funded 401k plan”. Yup, that person is as boring as he/she sounds. Physical attributes aside, one can envision the tremendous conversations discussing floral arrangements and bridge strategy at the next PTA meeting. Fortunately, we live in a society which has done away with arranged marriages so this situation has become all but obsolete, but offering this scenario first is necessary to avoid mistakes made in generations past.

Being set-up by your peers: While not as bad as the above, this scenario falls a close second. Friends have your best interests at heart; addicted to gambling? They’ll set you up with the neighborhood knitting consultant to wean you off your vice. Often, though, friends find a need to bring together individuals with similar problems in hopes that they will resolve their issues together and build a relationship that is built Ford tough. Unfortunately, the only things these individuals will share are needles as their heroin addiction grows. Another flipside is when the friend decides that the companion he/she selectively chosen is not a fit after all and decides to unselect the person… well, we all saw what happened on Dawson’s Creek. Better to leave your friends out of it when it comes to finding that special someone.

Scouring the clubs/bars/downtown: Innocuous at first, the repercussions are not optimistic. While there are success stories about girls going to a club looking to just dance with her girls only to find herself being dry humped from behind and marrying said dry humper, there’s probably little chance that the fun guy/gal you meet at your local drinking hole will make a solid life-long partner. Quite possibly, that individual would make a fantastic fill-in-the-blank buddy, but other than that one is hoping to find fool’s gold. I mean, how do you tell your kids how you met mommy? “Yeah, I was at Club Rain and I saw this girl who was drunk off Cuervo and knew she was the one. A few magic tricks later, she was back at my place doing the dirty dance. How is that for romantic Little Bobby?” Exactly.

Submitting your profile through an online website: A few of these sites claim that they set you up with a person who matches your 4684184613879 question profile, but really, who is really desperate enough to submit oneself to the scrutiny of professional matchmaker? Why yes, someone equally as desperate as you! I’m really unsure of where to place this scenario in the food chain, so I’ll wait till I hear of success/horror stories. Sounds like a good way to pick up a lot of action, really fast, though.

Myspace as a filter: I think the FBI are looking for individuals who use this as a means to find “the one”. Especially if he/she screens his/her searches by limiting searches to 18 and younger. Spicy.

So what’s a single guy/girl to do? I’ll think it over and let you know.