Personality is way overrated

24 07 2007

what attracts a guy more, a nice body or a pretty face? or is it what’s inside that counts HAHA

-FreeFallin

Unequivocally the answer is yes. By your smug end statement, it appears you are not convinced that “personality” plays a role in a female’s ability to attract. While a female’s mental framework is not a catalyst for initial attraction, it certainly becomes a deal breaker for male’s looking for more than a hit-it-and-quit-it (HIQI) proposition. But now we’ve veered off from your question.

You’ve met more than one in your lifetime. Jeans that snuggly wrap around bottle-shaped hips while her long luscious dark brown (substitute with blond if that’s your fancy) bounces off her shoulders with every shake. Your heart races as the anticipation of her turning around is unbearable and then… you realize she tried to fight Chuck Lidell with her nose or maybe she’s preparing to be a “before” picture for Practive. Or what about that buxom female at the bar with the cute face… but she’s wearing black so as to not appear to be the beached whale she does during the day.

Those are the two extremes, and most fall in the middle. In a vacuum with only procreation on the line, what is the thing that men are really attracted to?

Big boobs, a round booty, and being really slutty. Not the “I’m going to make you wait for 6 months and cuddle with you until your balls fall off “ slutty but the “lets do it in the handicap bathroom stall while people are changing diapers” slutty. We’re really not into “the chase” when it comes to getting some. Albeit, playing hard to get makes getting it that much more fulfilling, but at the end of the day we’re physical creatures with physical needs. Advertisers spend millions on half-dressed females flaunting their wares to lure in the average male. And it works.

So if you’re a female looking to rope in an equally shallow male, just be a ho.





Friends that f**k around on a ladder

15 07 2007

is it a good idea to start a relationship as friends and then ease into being bf/gf? pros/cons?
-
coolchip

As some have mentioned, being on the “friends ladder” could prove to be potentially hazardous resulting in falling into the dark abyss known as “not getting the poon.” I, though, was raised by the nomadic people of the PUA’s who believe women place men in a single ladder built on a hierarchy system – those higher up in the ladder get a taste of a land flowing with milk and honey while those in the bottom… end up clicking on thumbnails on lonely Friday nights. There is a way, however, to ascend up the ladder and beat the rules. Its called roofies. But if you’d like to avoid having an asterisks next to your name in the record books (i.e. in a jail cell having to choose between jelly or syrup) there is a strategy you can deploy.

At the very top of the ladder are the chosen people: those with power, fame, good looks and/or money who can create ‘tang with a snap of his fingers. Then there are the middle class who comprise of ordinary dudes who hang out with girls at or above their league. The lower class scrounge for the scraps characterized by their “Girls Gone Wild” dvds or troll uncensored internet forums. Hell, they even stoop to taking love advice from a guy on a laptop sitting in his backyard.

In any case, most of us fall in the middle caste. We’re sociable, have decent hair cuts, and can even play the guitar. We cannot, though, approach a random hot female (RHF) at the club and have her eating out of our hand after a few drinks. We do meet average-looking females (ALFs) while studying at the library or volunteering at the neighborhood hospital. We fool ourselves in thinking these ALFs will let us shag them after dinner at Buca di Beppo and paying for a movie starring robots that transform, but what comes (obviously not you) is a kiss on the cheek and a “lets just be friends” monologue that would make a grown man cry.

“Friends” is a strange word. We usually describe people we wouldn’t ever bang even with a paper bag over their heads as “friends.” But there’s also a group of people who we would grant a consideration after a few shots of Don Julio. In fact, “friends” describes a broad spectrum of individuals with varying degrees of relationship potential just waiting to be exploited. When she says “friends”, what does she really mean? Here are the possible scenarios.

She says: We should stay friends
She means: uh, you don’t really interest me physically.

She says: You’re fantastic! I know someone who would really hit it off with you.
She means: You remind me of someone ugly. Let me pass you off to someone equally as hideous.

She says:
You’re so easy to talk to. You’re like… a brother
She means: If I ever get desperate enough to need a good dickin’ in the future, I’ll call you up. Until then, I’ll complain about all the other dudes I’m banging because I know you’ll pick up when I call.

She says:
We should do this again. I’m glad we’re friends now.
She means: There is a huge possibility if we have this great of a time later down the road that you’ll get introduced to some of my other orifices.

Alright, so the last scenario is where you want to be. Under no circumstances do you want to hear the other three statements uttered from her lips. The only way to penetrate (no pun intended) an ALF’s defensive strategy of filtering sleezy guys is to create a guise where your only intention is to “be friends.” I mean, think about it… since she was 9 years old dudes have been trying to enter the forbidden country to no avail. The appearance of friendly relations causes her to lower the gates, draw the bridge, and have you prove to her that you’re the knight in shining armor.

So that’s the strategy for trying this route as a male vying the attention of a female. You can read previous posts on how to seduce a male when you’re a female (hint: nudity).

The only con to this “friends” strategy is it takes time and patience. As they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day, but if all else fails, I know a guy who slangs Rohypnol on the cheap.





Why did you have to mention menstrual cycle?

10 07 2007

How do you move from cute to studly? I cringe every time I hear the c-word. I tried growing facial hair and putting on weight like Hulk Hogan. It’s hard to keep hair trimmed like that. I need to fluctuate between cute and manly to match menstrual cycles. One has to be game all the time. Women are fickle. Too manly/not manly enough. Too much of a manwhore/such a prude. Why are you seeing other women?/I don’t want to see you. I am just here for her entertainment?
-icom158

Alas, you’re trying to determine a set of responses for which the set of logic is incorrect. If men and women are truly different and you wish to understand/dissect/react appropriately to a female, then you must assume the position as one. Here’s an example:

Stimulus: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on the cover of People magazine

Male Brain: Angelina’s boobs are looking quite plump. I’d hit it.
Female Brain: There’s that skank whore Angelina with her dick boyfriend/husband/effbuddy. Though Brad is looking quite hot with his crew cut hair. And what is with that outfit she’s wearing. I need to stop psycho analyzing females on the cover of tabloid magazines. What’s that smell? Is that me? I think it’s the old lady behind me who’s wearing way too much Chanel. I really need to buy new perfume. Maybe that’s why the guy at the bar last night didn’t approach me. I really should jump on the treadmill. So fat. Fatty fat fat.

You’d think I was making this up, but its true. And believe it or not, both brains spent the same amount of time breaking down the stimuli. It’s remarkable.

Anyway, you’ve probably found through experience that males are visual beasts while females are more stringent on being mentally stimulated. Her physical requirements for you are thus much more lax and being “cute” simply implies that her mental connection with you is the equivalent of a sixth grader. That’s bad. Those guys in Hollywood aren’t more physically attractive than you (ok, well most of the time anyway) but they present themselves in roles and on interviews (i.e. pretend) to be more mentally stimulating. That, and they are famous and have a shitload more money than you.

So what’s a normal guy to do? Read some books. Listen to music. Write. Basically, be more damn interesting. Then when you interact with a female of your choosing, you’ll have relevant information to convey. Oh, and work on your small talk skills. I kid you not, it will save your life when talking to a girl WAY above your league.

You:So, how about them Chargers? That LT can run fast!
Hot Girl: OMG! I LOVE LT. I was a huge fan ever since he started at TCU and beat USC in ’98. You are such a stud. Let’s f**k.

Now wasn’t that easy.