How does a non-Asian and non-white guy persuade a fobby Asian chick to date him
It really depends on the type of fobby Asian female you’re referring to. Here are some of the common fobs you’ll encounter:
Freshly arrived from the motherland: You can recognize these females by their unique hairstyles and colorful clothing. They often carry plastic handbags with nonsensical cartoon characters. They only speak their native tongue but can make brief conversation usually based around the location of the bathroom or the closest Sanrio store. Also, proper dental care is obviously discouraged so do not be alarmed if she’s got more grill than George Foreman.
Likes: Native-pop (i.e. J-Pop, C-Pop, etc…), pink leg warmers, red hair, candy with cartoon carictures on the wrapper, naruto.
Dislikes: People with dark skin, toothbrushes, and Godzilla.
How to woo them: If you’re not Asian or white, this is a sure-fire deal breaker. I’d recommend taking classes to learn their native tongue so that you can at least understand the obscenities she’s yelling out as she’s running away from you.
Just learned how to curse in English: These fobs have usually absorbed enough American culture to understand that bright colors are meant to accent, not to dominate, their wardrobe. They’re continuing to grow more comfortable with the language and will attempt to use common slang terms out of context resulting in hilarity. They are still fearful, however, of people and food not found at a Westfield mall so avoid that trip to East LA.
Likes: Urban dictionary, Justin Timberlake, Pizza, American Idol, brand names.
Dislikes: People with dark skin, Mexican food, Vodka.
How to woo them: Since these fobs are in an awkward stage in their American lives, they’re often susceptible to individuals who can make decent conversation and show interest in their culture. Learning the language is definitely a plus as she’ll stumble upon certain English phrases that need to be translated. LV handbags and shiny things are not only appreciated but almost a requirement for a first date.
Originally a fob, but in some serious denial: Her English is perfect but she’s also fluent in her native tongue, you can recognize these females by their Abercrombie baby-tees and Uggs boots. She denies ever having any relatives in Chinatown and only speaks to her parents in English. You can find her behind the wheel of a VW Cabrio or a BMW her affluent parents bought for her.
Likes: White people
Dislikes: Non-white people
How to woo them: Be white. Sorry.
Anyway, good luck with your fob adventures. It sure helps to be tall and caucasian.
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