So I met this chick about a few weeks ago through a mutual friend and find that she’s fun to hang out with (judging from the times we’ve hung out [albeit always with other friends around]). But I’m definitely attracted to her and so I have a few questions, the most important being, how do I make my intentions clear enough so that I’m not on the friend ladder?
Another question I have is that I’ve talked to her a few times on AIM…how important of a factor is initiating the IM convo? Better stated, does it really matter who starts off the conversation by going “hey” or something? And along the lines of that, does too much conversation initiation by one person come off as creepy and annoying?
-Maverick88
The best case scenario one can wish for after an initial interaction is one of indifference. Hopefully she has not formulated enough of a frame of reference to determine which ladder you currently reside on. This flux positioning is key as your future encounters will either make or break your chances but at least it has not been determined yet (hopefully).
Even in group situations, there are opportunities to isolate and conquer your target through group manipulation. If she has a penchant for the shooter House of Dead at DnB, an outing “as a group” and the casual suggestion that the two of you engage in the destruction of zombies will suffice. This easily lends itself to more intimate outings involving only the two of you as her comfort level has increased to the point where she can trust that you will not grope her like a creepy uncle.
Finding an excuse to take your target on a social outing does not have to be arduous but it does require some research about her affinities. Food is always popular; however keep it informal or you risk exposing your true intentions prematurely. On the flip-side, a decision to take her to taco Tuesday at Rubios might also be a deal-breaker. Avoiding typical “date” activities like movies, walks on the beach, or meeting the parents should be adhered. Having her meet you at the animal hospital where you volunteer at? Now that’s true gold.
The question posed was how to make sure your true intentions are not mistaken for aims of plutonic friendship. Do not, under any circumstances, verbalize your feelings. Men have become brainwashed by the media to assume females wish to hear the deep thoughts that men store deep in the chasms of their emotional gray matter. In reality, the only leverage men carry is their emotional state and the mystery behind it. Rather, convey yourself through the physical: strong eye-contact, short and infrequent body contact, and a general indifference of the current situation. This, combined with a charming personality and constant laughter, will lend itself to placing you in the correct ladder. Basically show her a good time and without being too forward and you’ll find yourself in her Hello Kitty panties in short fashion.
Instant Messaging is a poor replacement for actual interaction; unless she’s at work and does not have any other means to communicate, I’d use IM as a tool to initiate face-to-face encounters. As to whether or not it’s wise to wait for her to message you first… it depends. A 5:1 ratio (i.e. after the fifth time you’ve started a conversation) you should allow her the opportunity to break the ice. If you’ve held her attention enough, she will have no problem being the first to IM.
Good luck and remember: don’t be the creepy uncle.
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